Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
