I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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