We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
