this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize