Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
