drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
