I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
