I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
