all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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