Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
