I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
