Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
