Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
