I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
