Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
