Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
