haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
