I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
