bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
