You're my little dorito
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
