Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
