so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
