just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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