Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He felt like a one man threesome
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
