Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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