The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
