I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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