im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
