Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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