she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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