Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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