How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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