ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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