i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
