this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
