my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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