i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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