So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
