At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
