Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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