are you so shy because you have an std?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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