Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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