the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
