Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
