Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
