I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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