I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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