you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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