there's paper in my vomit.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
why do cheetos always look like penises
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
