The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
