can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
