I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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