new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
