The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
