im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
