"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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