I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
