So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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