The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
