I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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