I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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