How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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