Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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