I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
