this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He? As in you personified your dick?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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