yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
