Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
