GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
No subtext here. People are naked.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
