Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
