Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My penis needs a shock collar
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
