ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
