i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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