Even the bartender felt bad for me
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
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About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
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Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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