he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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