I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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