I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
