he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
