3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
