I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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