How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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