dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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