She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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