im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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